Irfan Pathan - Living my Dream

To believe in fairytales, you got to live one. And, I couldn't have asked for a better version than this for myself. In fact, the reality is far more beautiful than what a fairytale could have been. 

It was December 2003, India was touring Australia and the team's spearhead and my favorite Zaheer Khan was injured and a lanky 19 year old with curly hair and the cutest smile made his Test debut. Little did I know I would be falling head over heels for this 19 year old boy, Irfan Pathan. Initially, it was his bowling that caught my attention. It wasn't just me, the entire nation was swooned by his swinging ability so much that he was touted to be the next Indian bowling sensation. Moving over his bowling, his charming smile and luscious curls made me go weak in my knees. I had been following his game ever since. Every mention of his in a newspaper article would find its way into my scrap book which is kept intact till date.

My fairytale started in 2013 when Irfan joined Twitter. My happiness touched cloud nine. After almost a decade of loving him, doting him, adoring him; I could now express it to him. A place where he would at least read if not respond to whatever I had to say to him. It all began with numerous mentions every day. My day would start and end with salutations to him (It still does. I can't sleep without wishing him good night!). Sometimes he would RT the mentions but never reply or interact in any way. 

It was on Eid in 2014 when everything changed. I wished Irfan and asked him for a 'follow back' as my Eidi half expecting him to oblige. To my utter astonishment, he did! I was elated beyond measures. I was in office and was barely able to contain my happiness. I tweeted a thanks to him and made 'n' number of calls to tell my near and dear ones. I was so excited that I forgot I could now DM him and thank him personally! (I still forget this in excitement!) People who were happy to know congratulated me and the cynical ones added, 'Arey he'll unfollow tomorrow.' Their cynicism rubbed on me and very stupidly I tweeted him asking not to unfollow. Yes, I was that a silly fangirl. I still am. Shall always be for him. #ForeverAnIrFAN :D

Mujhe Eidi me follow back dedo @IrfanPathan I promise I won't bug you with unnecessary DMs.

PS: You know I keep my promises ;)

— #HappyBirthdayIrfan (@VeiledDesires_) July 29, 2014

After that, I kept bugging him in DMs. Talked, talked and talked and he was sweet enough to reply, to fulfill my silly requests like changing his DP, taking a selfie challenge etc. Not once did he ever wince upon whatever I said or did. Though I made sure to keep asking him if he was being irritated by me in any way. As time passed by, a relation of mutual trust and fondness was built. I was struggling in my career and one point and Irfan was my go-to man. He offered help without being asked for. There was a time when I had decided to give up, but his words of wisdom, motivation and appreciation kept me going. Now, he knew of my existence. I wasn't just another fan for him. He knew me. But, as human as I am, I wanted to talk to him and meet him. So, next year, 2015, I made a wish to talk to him over the phone this Eid. Though we already had each other's numbers, I didn't want to breach that line.

In July 2015, after Eid, he entered Jhalak Dikhla Jaa as a contestant and the show had an arrangement where you could call and talk to your fave contestant via phone. I had just decided to try my luck when I got a call from the show saying that Irfan wanted me to be the one calling him on the show! After that phone call, he invited me to Bombay on the sets and finally on 6th of August 2015, I cherished my 12 years long dream of meeting Irfan Pathan. 

At Bombay, Aug 2015

Jhalak Dikhla Jaa

The journey didn't end there. This is a dream with no end. In 2016 when Irfan tied the knot with Safa, I was certainly heartbroken but he soothed the hurt by inviting me to his wedding. Later that year in November, he was in Nagpur to play a Ranji game and he met my family. The way he and Yusuf bhai met and talked to my family, never felt like they weren't a part of it. Such humble beings they are. My niece has grown fond of both of them ever since that evening.

At VCA, Nagpur, Nov 2016

I have known Irfan from a distance since 2003 and from very close quarters since 2014. And, there's not a bit about him that is different. The only difference, perhaps, is that I have personal experiences to narrate and tell people about his humbleness. To love back a fan the way he did, can only be dreamt of. The ever smiling and calm demeanor of his' can soothe all the restlessness in you. He never fails to provide words of encouragement when needed. Has helped me not only in my personal matters but many a friends of mine who needed help. 

I have always said that words fail me when I have to talk about or tell what and how much Irfan Pathan means to me. Today, I tried to put it in words on occasion of his birthday but I know, for the writer in me, this is not even half close to doing justice to what I feel for him.

PS: You shall always be loved, always ;)

Pandraah Baras

Barso'n baad aaj woh letter pad khola
Jis mein tumhe khat likha karti thi.
Woh neeche kinari pe bane gehuwe phool
Aur upar mein banni udhti chidiya'n.
Main woh phool thi, murjhati aur phir khilti
Tum un azaad panchhiyo'n ki tarah, khud mein mashgool.

Kuch pandrah solah khatt likhey the tumhe
Abhi bhi kuch warq bachhe hain is mein.
Meri nazr uss akhri khatt ki chaap par padhi
Ek dheemi si hassi mere labo'n se chhooth gayi.
Yun to mujhe woh aaj bhi zabaani yaad hai
Har ik woh khatt jo tumhe likha tha.

In lafzo'n pe haath phera to woh zakhm sabz ho utha
Hijr ka woh akhri khatt aaj bhi be-jawaab hai.
Tumhari khamoshi ke kayi'n matlab nikaale the maine
Lekin koi bhi mere dil ko behla na saka.
Aksar sochti hoon agar tum likhtey to kya likhtey
Phir har uss jawaab ke badle main apna jawaab sochti.

Tumhare jawaab ke intezaar mein main waqt ka hisaab bhool baithi
Aaj jab ispe woh akhri khatt ki tareekh dekhi to khud pe hass padhi.
Pandrah baras beet gaye hain uss din ko
Aur main aaj bhi tanhaayi mein uska jawaab sochti hoon.
Shayad tumhe woh khat mila hi na ho
Shayad tumne usse padha hi na ho
Agle pandrah baras yeh soch ke guzaar lungi.

Khandar

sadak ke modh par jo woh khandar hai
aaj usse kareeb se dekha maine
woh waqt se kumlayi mat maili deewarein
woh sar se paer tak cheenkhti daraarein
unhe sun ne ke liye, main bheetar chali gayi

tooti dehleez mujhe dekh muskura di
sehmi se maine ek kadam andar ki or rakha
baase ashiyaan ki bu thi uss khandar me
haan, kabhi kisi ka ashiyaan to raha hoga

dining table pe toote hue do pyaale the
shayad akhri baar unhone yahin chai pi hogi
un baaton ki dhool se mez dhaka hua tha
wahi bagal mein ek pen bhi thi.

theek table ke peeche ek toota photo frame tha
makdi ke jaalo se bhara hua
usme lagi hui tasveer kuch fat si gayi thi
haseen lamhe ko sanjo kar maano thak si gayi thi

yeh khule hue jharokhein intezaar mein jhaanktey hain
aate jaate koi to yahan nazar karey
aaye, baethe phir yahan koi
aur iss khandar ko ashiyaan kare.

Innocence Raped

His fingers caressed her neck moving around her clavicles. She giggled, innocently, saying, 'It's tickling, uncle. Please stop.' He didn't pay heed to her requests. He lifted her up and straddled her on his knees. She played with the pen in his pocket. Unaware of her uncle's intention. She kept giggling merrily until uncle's hand reached to her panty. 'Uncle, mama said nobody is allowed to touch me here. Not even papa. I'm not liking this.' She tried to jump off his lap. He held her by hand and pushed her closer. 'Okay. I won't touch you there but can uncle give you a kissie?' She smiled, 'Yes, uncle.' He grabbed the opportunity with his lips and sucked her's blue.

Four years old Mia was wounded for life that day. The lascivious intentions of her uncle scarred her in a way that changed her life.

Mia pulled away and jumped off his lap, sobbing. She was too young to understand right and wrong but, she did understand that she didn't like what had happened. That night, when her mother tucked her into bed, Mia was quiet. She didn't want to listen to a bedtime story. Her mother ignored the changed behaviour. Her mother's indifference made her withdraw into a shell. Mia didn't speak about the incidence.

Every other day when her uncle came, she resisted meeting him but, like most parents failed, her's did too and she was made to sit with him, mostly in his lap. A setting where he picked up every opportunity to innocently exploit her innocence. One night, at bedtime, she confessed her feelings to her mother, 'Mama, I don't like to be with uncle.' She clutched to her mother's waist and wailed leaving her mother confused. Everybody thought he was her favorite uncle. 'Why?' her mother asked. 'He touches me where even papa is not allowed to touch. I told him many times that I don't like it.'

Her mother sat still on the bed trying to fathom what she had just heard. How could his brother do that to her daughter! Why didn't she ever noticed his behaviour with Mia?

Today, Mia turned 18 and her uncle stood in front of her with his 7 years old daughter. She was seeing him, today, 14 years later after that night. He smiled at her but she turned away. The wounds of childhood weren't healed. They never will. He is the reason she doesn't trust any man in her life. Not even her father. He didn't only rape her innocence but also dented her mental health for the rest of her life.

वोह रात (Woh Raat)

 तुम्हें लिखते लिखते न जाने कितने कॉफ़ी के कप खाली किये थे उस रात मैंने। तुम्हारे जाने के बाद की हर रात की कहानी लिख डाली थी। उन पन्नों पर तुम्हें लिख तो दिया था मगर तुम्हें खुद से अलग न कर सकी थी। उलट पलट के उन पन्नों को बार बार देखा। कईं देर तक देखती रही। फ़िर, एक चिंगारी सुलगाई और तुम्हे फूँक डाला। बरसों बीत गयी है उस रात को मगर आज भी, मेज़ पर रखे उस गुलदान में पड़ी उन पन्नों की राख में तुम्हें ज़िंदा रखा हुआ है। 

Tumhe likhte likhte na jaane kitne coffee ke cup khaali kiye the uss raat maine. Tumhare jaane ke baad ki har raat ki kahaani likh daali thi. Unn panno par tumhe likh to diya tha magar khud se alag na kar saki thi. Ulat palat ke unn panno ko baar baar dekha. Kayi'n daer tal dekhti rahi. Phir, ek chingaari sulgaayi aur tumhe phoonk daala. Barso'n beet gayi hai uss raat ko magar aaj bhi, mez par rakhe uss guldaan mein padhi unn panno ki raakh mein tumhe zinda rakha hua hai.

Khaamoshi

Ek lambe arsey baad miley the dono
Saath khaamoshi le kar aaye the
Bahut kuch kehna tha
Bahut kuch sun na tha
Lekin..
Khaamoshi bolti rahi

Un khaamosh lamho'n mein
Bahut kuch kaha dono ne
Bahut kuch suna bhi
Lekin..
Labh unke hiley nahi'n

Sehmi nazar se ek dusre ko taraasha
Woh baalo'n mein ugti hui chaandni
Woh maathe pe waqt ki daraarei'n
Aaj bhi woh chehra utna hi haseen tha

Dheemi si muskaan ke saath
Sharm se usne jhuka li aakhei'n
Maano jaise woh keh raha tha
'Tum aaj bhi utni hi haseen ho'

Haule se guzarta hua waqt
Yakh-basta ho gaya
Beeti sadi ki yaadei'n
Kaano mein gunguna gaya

Baithe rahe woh khaamosh
Aur guftgu chalti rahi
Bahut kuch kaha dono ne
Bahut kuch suna bhi

Ek arse ke giley shikwe the
Khaamoshi se hi sulajhne the
Suljhe lekin..
Waqt ulajhta chala gaya

Indifferent Love

He watched an ice cube melt over her navel. She quivered, watching him, as water trickled down. He moved closer and made circles around with his tongue making her let out a soft moan.

He moved over her straddling himself on her thighs. He held onto her hands as he bent down over her navel. The ice cube kept melting. Water kept trickling down her curves making her tickle with passion. He let out a warm breath over the navel and drank the melted water from the goblet of her navel. He poured a drop of red wine into her. Savoring both, her navel and wine, he moved his hands over her bosom.

He cupped her bosom while savoring wine from her navel. She tried to curl her legs but he stretched straight on her holding her legs with his'. She let out a pleasurable moan. He kept licking at her navel. She began to plead, she was being tortured albeit pleasurably. He made her helpless with holding her hands and legs.

He began moving upward leaving a trail of intoxicated kisses from her navel to the bosom. He stopped, looked up into her eyes, gave a notorious smile and bit on her left areola. She screamed, in pain and desire. He crushed her nipple between his teeth, mercilessly. She cried a moan until he began caressing it with his lips, softly.

He moved his hand over her right bosom while playing with his tongue over the left one. Squeezing and stroking one, sucking and licking the other one. She trembled under him. She moved her free arm on his back sliding downwards to his buttocks. She spanked him taking him by surprise. He stiffened and froze when she spanked him, harder, the second time. He let out an astonished moan. A moan that told how much he loved the surprise.

She winked at him. He smiled back as he bent down and locked lips. He kissed her slow. Very slow. She moved her hands over his back, gently, making circles with her tender fingers. She moved them down on his buttocks and pressed him towards herself. He smiled on her lips knowing precisely what she meant. It was time to go down. Her libidinous demons were waiting to be exorcised.

He broke the kiss and began sliding down. On the way he kissed her on chin, moved further down to her neck where he left a trail of wet kisses. Onto her bosom where he said a wet hello to both. A kiss on her cleavage, a run for the tongue between that. He moved down to her belly. His hands resting on her love handles. His lips kissing every inch of her skin. He stopped at the navel and played with it for a while before sucking it. He moved to her lower abdomen, just above her paradise. He drew a line across the area with his tongue kissing slowly all around. At last, he came to her paradise, looked up at her, gave a smile and let out a warm breath over it.

A loud ring distracted him. He turned around and saw the deafeningly ringing alarm clock by the bedside. He shifted in his bed only to realize he was dreaming, dreaming about the lost intimacy between them. She sat across the bed tying her hair into a bun. Her curvy silhouette against the morning sun made him crave for her. He stayed still in his side of the bed. She stood up, without turning back to him, and disappeared in the bathroom. He laid in bed with his dreamy eyes on the ceiling reminiscing the mornings when she used to wake him up with kisses. He let out a loud sigh and turned his back to the bathroom.

The breakfast table felt more like an obligation than family time. Their home was devoid of laughter. Neither of them smiled. They had grown ignorant of each other's presence in their lives, at least they pretended to do so when left within the confines of their home.

He never felt as guilty as he did today morning for that fateful night. The memory of that night was still fresh as a dew in his life. That was the night their relationship took an unpleasant turn.

1 year ago

Ravish and Namita invited envious gaze from everybody around them. They were a couple who redefined marriage with love. Their love for each other grew deeper with every passing day until that fateful night at a colleague's house party to celebrate Ravish's phenomenal success in the company over a very short span of time. Rumours about Ravish's sexual favors to their boss were rife but Namita had downplayed them all this while until that cold December night.

That cold December night

The celebrations were loud with music & dance and alcohol & food. The extravagant show of finesse in every department could barely  miss an eye. Everybody was high in and on spirits dancing all night. Post 2 am, Namita felt exhaustingly tipsy and went upstairs, away from the hullabaloo, in search of a place to relax. She turned to the first room to the left and collapsed on the bed.

The door banged open, at around 3 am, waking Namita from her drunk nap. She could barely manage to open her eyes. Her head was heavy and tizzy. Her vision blurred with sleep. But, her pupils dilated and vision cleared when she saw Ravish in a passionate lip lock with his boss, Mr. Das.

She froze in bed with eyes wide open in astonishment. Her heart stopped beating. She couldn't fathom what she was witnessing. She knew she was neither dreaming nor hallucinating. It was Ravish and Mr. Das, in the act, caught unawares. Breathless, she witnessed the homosexual act of his husband with his boss from under the comforter in that dimly lit bedroom.

Mr. Das's fingers were caressing Ravish's neck and his hands were traveling down into the backside of Mr. Das's pants whilst their tongues were rummaging each other's mouth. Ravish pushed Mr. Das towards him. Mr. Das let out a moaning laugh. Ravish undid Mr. Das's fly and went down on him. Namita didn't want to believe what she was seeing but she didn't have a choice. She couldn't react. She laid numb in that bed witnessing it all.

Ravish cupped Mr. Das's cullion and kissed at his tip. Slowly, he moved Mr. Das into his mouth whilst Mr. Das enjoyed the pleasure with closed eyes, loud moans and pulling onto Ravish's hair. A few minutes later, Ravish stood up and undid his fly. His pants dropped down pooling around his feet. He then turned around and bent over for his boss. Mr. Das spanked him as he moaned aloud. Mr. Das moved a finger between his butt crack before plunging into him. Namita closed her eyes and wept uncontrollably before mustering courage to stand up and confront Ravish.

This day

Ravish wanted to apologize to her for everything he did but couldn't dare speak a word. She sipped coffee while glancing through her newspaper. She stood up and walked towards the main door. She turned back towards him as she opened the door. He waited with bated breath for her to speak something. She did. She said, 'Today's the last day,' and moved out closing the door behind her.  

यादों का बक्सा

वो बेसमेंट में रखा बक्सा
जिस में तुमको कैद कर रखा था
आज उसे निकाला है

तुम्हारी वो आधी सुलगी सिगरेट
होठों से लगा कर इक कश भरती हूँ
बीते दिनों का धुआँ छा जाता है

तुम्हारी वो अधूरी सी इक नज़्म
उलट पलट कर बार बार पढ़ती हूँ
वस्ल की वो शब का ख़्याल आ जाता है

तुम्हारी वो टूटी घड़ी का इक सटरेप
आँखें आज भी नम हो जाती हैं
टकरार की वो आख़िरी रात याद आ जाती है

ख़ामोशी से फिर उस बक्से को
वापिस वहीं बेसमेंट में रख देती हूँ
तुम्हारी यादों को दफ़न कर देती हूँ



Woh basement mein rakha baksa
Jiss mein tumko qaid kar rakha tha
Aaj usse nikaala hai

Tumhari woh aadhi sulgi cigarette
Hotho'n se laga kar ik kash bharti hoon
Beete dino ka dhuaa'n chhaa jaata hai

Tumhari woh adhuri si ik nazm
Ulat palat kar baar baar padhti hoon
Vasl ki woh shab ka khayaal aa jaata hai

Tumhari woh tooti ghadi ka ik strap
Aankhei'n aaj bhi nam ho jaati hain
Takraar ki woh aakhiri raat yaad aa jaati hai

Khamoshi se phir uss bakse ko
Waapis wahi'n basement mein rakh deti hoon
Tumhari yaado'n ko dafan kar deti hoon

#Nazneen

Azaadi

Viraasat mein mili hai azaadi inhei'n,
Azaadi ki qeemat yeh kya jaane.

Purwajo'n ne khoon diya,
Isliye aaj azaad hain hum;
Uss khoon ki qeemat ye kya jaane.

Azaad desh mila raaj karne ke liye,
Rajniti ke khatir iske tukdey kar daley.

Ithe khudgarz hue hai aaj log yaha'n,
Apni jebei'n bharne ke liye kahi'n,
Iss desh ki azaadi ko
Jhooth ke bazaar mein kahi'n sasta na bech dale'n.

Train Journey from My Wildest Imagination

Travelling was her first love and photography second, the reason for Kaira Sinha to opt travel-photography as her mainstream career option. She didn’t like the idea of traveling by flights. Meeting strangers and getting to know them was her hobby. Hence she preferred traveling by train despite the long hours. She had a long list of ‘Train Friends’, the people whom she befriended on a train journey.

This time around she was traveling to the pink city- Jaipur. Unlike her other train journeys, she wasn’t happy about this one the moment she boarded the train. It was over crowded due to the holiday season and with many passengers traveling on RAC and Waiting List reservation tickets. Something that’s unavoidable about Indian Railways!

Kaira was allotted the side upper berth which she was happy about until she reached her berth and found a Gujarati auntie sitting on the lower berth with whom she had a scuffle later while arranging her medium sized backpack. The whole of the luggage area beneath the berth was occupied by auntie’s luggage and to add to Kiara’s irritation, half of the lower berth was also taken! After a few harsh words Kiara adjusted her backpack below the lower berth. She caught a guy staring right into her cleavage that was visible from her unbuttoned crimson coloured chiffon top. She glared into his eyes and buttoned up her top.

The second good thing about travelling by train was that she found plenty of time to read and since she was already irritated, she preferred spending time with a book. The guy from the next compartment kept staring at her on all the wrong places. She caught him looking at her breasts. He tried to look away. He was lean, bespectacled with beard and moustache. His hair was thick and black that fell flawlessly onto his shoulders. She tried to look away from him when she saw him caressing his crotch while staring at her breasts. She tried to ignore and got herself busy with her book. Suddenly she felt her nipples tighten and she cursed herself for her desires being aroused. She tried to ignore the needs of her body and the guy for rest of the day.

The clock ticked 10 ‘o’ clock when she planned to retire for the day. She arranged her bedding and climbed up to her berth. She noticed the guy staring at her ass as his hand carelessly caressed his crotch. Her muscles south to her body clenched. She felt her nipples tightening again. She hesitated and rushed to lie down before her desires could unveil shamelessly in front of him. The drawn curtains made her feel safer and helped in keeping her sane.

She busied herself with the book again. He kept peeping at her berth in a hope to find a hint. Her reading light kept him waiting but in vain. After a while she closed the book and turned off the reading light. The day flashed in front of her as she closed her eyes. All of a sudden she saw that guy’s face and her eyes opened, startled she looked around to make sure he wasn’t there. She heaved a sigh of relief on knowing it was just an illusion. To make sure, she raised the curtains and peeped to find nobody around. She went off to sleep.

He caught her peeping from below the curtains. He took it as a cue. The idea made him uncomfortable in his underpants. He planned and waited.

A little while later, everything around felt silent. People went off to sleep. The darkness took over.

Kiara felt a hand slid under her blanket from below the curtains scaring the shit out of her until it reached for her right breast and caressed it. She liked the caress on her breast and thought to play along. She lay still for a few minutes then turned to face towards the curtains to give room to the hand. The hand, alarmed, moved out when she caught it and placed it on her bosom. This time it was her bare bosom. The hand played around more fearlessly this time around. A few seconds later another hand appeared. The hands caressed her breasts gently. She wanted more. Her desires were unfurled.

“Suck them.” She ordered. The hands froze. Her heart thumped at her own audacity. Hands lay frozen on her bosom for a minute then the curtains rose and a face appeared. It was that guy from the next compartment but without his spectacles. He smiled at her. She moved forward and offered her breasts. “Suck,” she said again. He grabbed her right breast with his teeth. He licked them like a child licks sugar candy. He rolled his tongue over her nipple. She moved his hand over her other breast. He grabbed the nipple between his index finger and thumb and squeezed it gently while his tongue pleasantly tormented her other nipple.

She was oozing between her legs. She started caressing her vagina. She couldn’t take it anymore. Holding back looked like a herculean task now. “Climb up” she uttered even before she realized. His eyes popped. He gulped a lump down his throat. “Climb up” she reassured.

The next moment he was on top of her. Their bodies touching, tongues fighting and hands entangled. His crotch rubbed over her vagina. He was hard as steel. She oozed at his touch and lowered her pants and undid his fly. He loved the way she commanded him to proceed further. He moved down on her and impatiently filled her up in an instant with a jerk. She opened her mouth to let out a moan but he locked lips with hers for their good. She opened her eyes wide and let out a moan into his mouth.

He thrust until they panted. “What a difficult one you are!” He whispered. She blushed and pinned her nails into his back moving down to his ass. She spanked and said, “Make me tremble. Will you?” He looked at her with astonishment. “Please” she added. His thrusts gained momentum until she moaned mutely. He fell down upon her after filling her up with his cum, “This is the train journey from my wildest imagination” he said as both of them chuckled. 

Aakhri Mulakaat..

Baad muddat usne mulakaat ka zikr kiya,

Uss roz jab mein vasl ki har aas chhodh chuki thi.

Laraztey hue hotho’n se ik khamosh si haami bhari maine,

Be-qaraar ho ik tareekh tay ki hum dono ne.

Ajeeb kashmakash thi, zehan mein kayi sawaal the;

Itne roz baad mera naam uske labho’n pe kyun aaya?

Har lamha yeh sawaal be-jawaab laut jaata tha-

Usko aaj mera khayaal kyun aaya?

Who aakhri mulakaat ka adhura sa lamha,

Ab bhi sannato’n mein shor karta hai.

Raat ke andhero’n mein,

Uske chehre ka noor chamakta hai.

Barso’n se dabbi hui ik khalish thi seene mein,

Uski aakhri mulaakat ki arz ne sabz kar di.

Kaampte hue haatho’n se maine,

Ek khat mein usse inkaar karne ki jurrat kar di.

Be-naam Nazm

Likhne ko main aaj bhi likhti hoon lekin, 
Zehan mein ab kisika chehra nahi aata.

Be-matlab se hain yeh alfaaz mere, 
Inhe padhke ab kisika aks nazar nahi aata.

Khamosh si padhi rehti hai kalam kone mein, 
Shabh dhaley ab koi khayaal nahi aata.

Deedar-e-yaar ko tarse hai nigaah magar 'Nazneen',
Door talak ab yaar ka wajood nazar nahi aata.

Bahut mauke diye the tumhe....

Bahut mauke diye the tumhe mujhe rokhne ke liye,
Tum na jaaney kis masroofiyat* me uljhe hue the.

Bahut manaya tha maine apne dil ko ki rukh jau.
Tum na jaaney kis naraazgi ke shikaar hue the.

Bahut se khwaab piroye the un chaar dino me maine,
Tum na jaaney kis khwaab ke peeche deewane hue the.

Bahut koshish ki halat-e-marasim ko badalne ki maine,
Tum na jaaney kin halaaton se majbur hue the.

Bahut haseen the woh din ye jaanti hu main,
Tum na jaaney kyun kuch roothe hue se the.

Bahut peeche chodh ayi thi main tumhe us roz,
Tum na jaaney kyun aaj bhi lautne ki aas liye hue the.

Bahut mauke diye the tumhe mujhe rokhne ke liye,
Tum na jaaney kis masroofiyat me uljhe hue the.

#Nazneen

*Masroofiyat: Busyness

Ek Awaaz Uthakar to Dekho

A poem in wake of the Delhi gang rape case. It's for those you think that this issue is related to particular person or a region. This might not help but collectively, we can make a difference.

'Ek Awaaz Uthakar to Dekho'

Kab talak yeh sochkar chhup rahogey,
Ki uss ghar mein aag lagi hain.

Pata bhi na chalega aur,
Ek chigaari tumhaarey ghar bhi aa gireygi.

Royoge bahut, chillaogey tab;
Naa ayega jab koi,
Tab shayad yeh dard samajh paoge.

Aag chaahei'n jaha'n lagey,
Iski lapet mein har koi giraft hota hain.

Aaj gar na roka isse,
Kal tumhara ghar bhi sulag jayega.

Aao aaj awaaz uthayei'n;
Kisi ek ke khaatir nahi,
Janhit ke khaatir, hum ek ho jaayei'n.

Hain asar bahut awaaz-e-awaam mein,
Khud ko kamzor samajhne ki bhool na karna.

Har-su badlega yaha'n ik roz,
Tum fakt ek awaaz uthakar to dekho.

Arz Kiya Hai...

A few of my shers for the shayari lovers!

Raat ka ye rumaani alam aur dil ki ye tanhaai,
Mat puch ae 'Nazneen', 
Is pal dil ko kiski yaad ayi!

Badla khudko uske khaatir is tarah 'Nazneen',

Khade ho ab aaene ke saamne,

Apna hi wajood dhundti hu.

Waqt ke khanjar ki ye talaash khatam to ho,

Bahut jee chuki ae 'Nazneen',
Ab maut se mulakaat to ho!

Do pal ki thi gar wo khushi 'Nazneen',
Gam bhi fir yeh muktasir hi hai.

Yunhi ek birha ki raat hum bhi miley the,
Yunhi auro ki tarah maine bhi kayi sapney bunne the.
Laut gaye ik roz tum un sapno ko tod kar,
Jee rahi hu mai un tukdo ke aks peero kar.

Guzarte hai jo raaste dil ki raahon se,
Untak woh pahuchte nahi.
Bebasi-e-hyaat hai kaisi ae 'Nazneen',
Milti hu har raat khwabo me unhe,
Haqeeqat me jo mujhse milte nahi.

Nind nahi ayi ankhon me meri,
Khwabo ko mere jabse tune alvida keh diya.

Ae rehguzar ishk ye ek karwaan hi to h,
Zindagi na khona fakt in do palo k liye.

Tum kya jaano hijr ki raaton ka nazaara 'Nazneen',
Sath khwabo me wahi hota h, hakeekat me jo paas nai!

Wo chauraahein dikha do.. 
Jo us raste le jaati h,
Laut gaya tha yaar mera jaha se..
God me meri ruswaiya daal ke.

For more visit: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Harleen-Vij/165492433 565294

 

Shor

Shor sa tha bahut in kaano me,
Dil me ek be-chaini si thi.
Socha band kar du us awaaz ko,
Par na jaane wo awaaz kiski thi?
Band hui wo awaaz,
Sath ankhein bhi meri band ho gayi,
Nadaan thi mai jo samajh na payi;
Shor na tha wo kisi gair ka,
Awaz wo meri apni hi sanso ki thi.

Value of Love

Love is a highly misused word in today’s century. People seldom understand the depth & meaning of love. Love has many facets & meanings. Meaning of love changes in every phase of life. For a child, mother’s hug is love; for a teenager, having a partner is love; for an adolescent, having commitment is love & for an old person, companionship is love.

 Love is multifarious. Every facet has something to give, as love always gives. Understanding love takes a lot of time. As the old saying goes, "A lost thing is cherished even more.”  Same is with love. One realizes the value of love after it’s lost and loss paves way for regret and regretting anything is futile.

Love is the most cherish-able feeling in the world. Expressing and communicating are the two most important aspects in keeping love intact. Taking love for granted is a very common trait these days. True love has faded away. Meaning of love has changed enormously. In olden days love used to be timeless and these days love has become time-pass.

Valuing a person in his presence is sensible than loosing him and then realizing his worth. The moment is now and it will never come back again. Letting go off a valuable thing is utter foolishness. Express your feelings before its too late.

Time, Communication & Relationships

The world is shrinking as far as communication is concerned but this shrinking world has increased the radius of intimacy between relations. Everyone around is so engrossed in their own undertakings that they are unable to chalk out their priorities appropriately.

Like a sown seed needs continuous nurturing till it grows into a beautiful fruit bearing tree similarly relations too need continuous nurturing for their longevity. Giving time & communicating are the two integral nutrients required for a healthy relationship.

Relationships in today’s time keep going through stringent litmus tests. It has become difficult to maintain a healthy communication even amongst the closed ones. This is a cumulative result of various factors. The most common and toughest to deal with factors are lack of time and the ‘my space’ syndrome.

People fail to understand that communication is the essence of a relationship and cutting down on the communication, whether knowingly or unknowingly, leads to sourness in the relation which turns bitter after a certain time. To avoid this, one should prioritize the time in an efficient way. The ‘my space’ syndrome creates a lot of communication gap between people. Everyone wants there space but in getting/providing that, the essence of a relationship is lost. Communicating your feelings is essential in every relation.

Nobody has time until they decide to find it. Just giving an excuse for lack of time is effortless. When one tries and wants to be in touch with a person, he’ll find out time by any means. Life is uncertain and no one knows what’s going to happen the next moment. Loosing a person and then regretting makes no sense. One should take care of the relation when the person is there.

Marriage from a bachelorette's eye Part IV

It’s 2 am and I am still tossing in my bed thinking about Manav and our much hyped wedding. Feel like calling him and talking it out but there is something that is stopping me. Nothing hurts you more than the communication gap that you develop between you and your closest pal. Manav isn’t just my pal but he’s my soul mate and I am feeling guilty of avoiding him this way.

“Are you sleeping sweetheart?” I was too restless so I called him up.

“Am I in my dreams or are you actually on the phone?” He inquired in his lovely sleepy voice. I always love that tone of his.

“The way I have been behaving lately it might appear to be a dream but I am actually on the call baby. Can you talk to me?” I replied with the love showing in my tone.

“Hmm.. Sometimes I wonder how I will survive with you for the rest of my life. You are just so unpredictable. I have known you since we were born but still I cannot judge your moves.”

“Come on sweetheart! You know me much more than I know myself. I love you!”

“Aha! What’s the matter? Why are you being so romantic? Are you going to end this relation?” My over-show of love made him suspicious.

“I am trying to woo you with my love and you are predicting idiotic things. I guess you are still sleepy. It will be good to hang up now. I will call you tomorrow. Good night.” I got a bit irritated.

“Hey sweetie don’t hang up. It’s been quite long since I’ve heard your sweet voice. It’s been long since you said I love you. I am glad that you called.” He sounded so love deprived. It made me feel even guiltier.

Making confessions is not an easy job. All of a sudden you start feeling a lot of guilt for what you have done and I was feeling too guilty to do this to my sweetheart.

“Hey baby, I am really sorry for being so rude and selfish. I am already feeling that guilt. Please don’t make me feel it more by saying all this. I am really sorry.” I almost started crying.

“Don’t cry sweetheart. I love you. Oh Ridhima, I am not a fool. Darling I love you though you treat me cruel. You hurt me and you made me cry but if you leave me I will surely die.” He sang in his mellifluous voice. I just love it when he sings for me.

“I love you too sweetheart. I think you should go to sleep now. We will meet tomorrow.”

“I don’t have a problem sweetie. If you want I can talk and if you say I can come over to your place.”

“No I’ll be fine. Wanted to apologize and tell many other things too but will do that tomorrow. Good night. Love you.”

“Ok darling. See you tomorrow. Good night and I will always love you.”

His last words made me ease off my worries. I kept thinking of what will I say to him tomorrow. With all these thoughts running a marathon in my head, I kept tossing in bed till I fell asleep.

I woke up early the next morning; it was due the excitement I guess! I met Manav at a café for morning coffee.

“Wow! I can’t believe that I am having a morning coffee with my girl.” He joked.

“I guess you going to have morning coffee with me for the rest of your life now.” I signaled him about what was going on in my mind.

“But will you be waking up early everyday?” He raised his eyebrows in astonishment.

“If you don’t want then I will not do so.” I winked at him.

“Hmm.. Leave this. Tell me what is bothering my baby so much?” The smile on his face made me go weak in my knees.

“Marriage.” I preferred coming straight to the point.

“Tanya’s?” He inquired as if he wasn’t aware whose marriage I was thinking of.

“Our marriage Manav!” I said in a candid voice.

“Oh! Are you sure you want to talk about this?”

“Yes Manav. I am pretty sure about this now.” There was a confidence in my voice which he liked 

but at the same time it gave him jitters.

“I am really sorry for being so selfish all this while. I love you a lot and I can’t afford to loose you. I’ve been avoiding this just because I am not confident enough of taking care of you and your family. You have known me ever since I was in my diapers. You are familiar with my lousy lifestyle. You know I can’t wake up early, I can’t cook, I am irresponsible, I am short-tempered, I am afraid of this big commitment and I love you! These things can be changed but I don’t trust myself for bringing these changes though I promise I will try my level best to change myself for you sweetheart. Now tell me, are you ready to spend the rest of your life with a girl like me?” I said it almost in a single breath.

He held my hand, looked into my eyes, smiled, gave me a kiss and said, “I am aware of all these things Ridhima and I have already accepted you with it. All I wanted was a promise from you that you won’t ever let me go. I don’t want to rush into it until and unless you feel that you are ready for this and you don’t need to worry about these petty issues. Instead of you I will make morning coffee and I promise I will never complain about it.”

Before he could say anything else, I was down on my knees saying, “So you promise to make me morning coffee without any complain ever?” He was astounded by this gesture of mine.

“Of course sweetheart!” He bent down and gave me a kiss.

That is what I wanted. The surety of being accepted the way I am.

I was relieved of a big monkey on my back and now it was time to celebrate. Though the marriage date wasn’t decided but getting the assurance for the same from me was a herculean task for my sweetheart.

The bigger challenge is yet to overcome and it is to tie the nuptial knot!

Marriage from a bachelorette's eye Part III

“I’ll be back by evening.” I rushed out of the home screaming. Immediately my phone rang, “Ya Ma!” “Where are you going? You don’t even bother to inform me. Did you have your breakfast?” Breakfast was her main concern. “Yes Ma I had it and I am going for shopping with Tanya.”

When your friends get engaged it becomes difficult to keep them updated with the happenings of your life and when they come to know from the other source (read Manav) you are declared guilty of an uncommitted crime. Tanya planned to meet up and as she knew I wouldn’t, she made up this shopping plan which I could not turn down. Not because I love shopping but I feel shopping is the best part of getting married and this was my best friend’s wedding.

We met at a mall where we headed directly to the food court as I didn’t have my breakfast and I lied to Ma. She would soon find it out and call back to scold me.

Tring… Oh wow what a long life she has! “Yes Ma” I answered in a very low tone as I knew what the call was for.

“You lied to me. You didn’t have your breakfast. You don’t get up on time, don’t inform me, you wake up and rush out of home. When are you going to change yourself? You are 24 now.”

“MA, I AM 23.” And I banged the phone.

Though just one year more in my age won’t make much of a difference but I always get irritated when she increases my age. As your age increases, parents start getting ‘marriage pangs’ and the intensity of these pangs is directly proportional to the age. And my Ma was no different especially now when Tanya was engaged.

“Manav called me up.” Tanya broke the ice.

“What for?”

“As if you don’t know?”

“No I don’t know.”

“What is wrong with you Ridhima? Why are you being so insane? You are avoiding all of us including Manav. What is the issue? You never ignored him in these 23 years. At least talk to him if you don’t feel like discussing it with us. After all you both will be tying the knot…”

“Did Manav ask you to talk about this?” I interrupted with complete ignorance towards her talk.

“He didn’t. He just told me about your tiff the other day.”

“Ok. See Tanya you know me very well. I have to make a career before getting married. That is what I wish and I am not yet ready for the responsibilities that I’ll have to shoulder after marriage. I mean I am not saying that I will not marry Manav but I need some time.” Even I was confused about what I said.

“Ridhima, Manav will never stop you from making a career. You know him better than I do. Don’t you?” Her voice was at her politest and sweetest.

“Leave this, you tell how it is going with Abhinav.” I tried to change the focus from a fictitious marriage to the real one.

“Why do you always switch topics? Why don’t you talk about it at once? The day you’ll start doing so, half of your problems will end.” She sounded like a typical Mommy types at this point. It showed that she is a grown-up, mature lady all set to get into the marital bond.

“Ah! Will definitely talk about it today but at this point I want to hear your story. Please.” I could have never ever been politer than this while convincing.

“It’s a very good feeling.” She started blushing. “You finally know the one with whom you are going to settle down. The one whom you can rely blindly. The one who will always be by your side, no matter what the situation is. Now it feels like true love, true sense of belongingness.” 

Her eyes were sparkling with love.

“Aha! Somebody is so lovestruck at the moment. I am too happy to hear that and happier to see you so happy.”  This was the first time, since her engagement that I was genuinely happy about it.

Her stories of the love went on till, I don’t remember the hours exactly. All the while I kept wondering that it’s been just 2 weeks and she has so much to tell. So much love has been poured upon each other in just few days. My mind kept switching between her marriage and my marriage.

“Hey enough of my stories let’s talk about you now.” She broke my thoughts. “Do you want me to call Manav over?” She intrigued with a little hesitation.

“I guess I should talk with you first. After hearing your experience, I am feeling a bit positive about it but in your case you don’t know Abhinav and I have grown-up with Manav. The best part about it is that he understands me so well and that is what the girl needs from her man. Manav indeed is my man but I feel I am not yet capable of being his woman. The major issue is that I feel to be unfit for this bond because I can’t take these responsibilities. You have seen us, every now and then I keep fighting with him and he tolerates my tantrums but will he be able to do that for the whole of his life? I can’t cook, I don’t wake up early, and I know nothing about my career at this point of time. I am so puzzled up Tanya how can I be assured that he will be happy with me? These are the thoughts that trouble me & people think that I am a spoilt brat who is running from reality. People’s thinking never bothered me but lately Manav too joined that league and that is what has disheartened me the most.” Phew! I bursted like an over bloated tube tire.

With a smile on her face she said, “Don’t you think you should discuss these things with Manav? After all he is the one who should know these things and as much as I know him he will drive away all the worries within a bat of an eyelid.”

Avoiding your friends and closed one results into the misery that I was in. Discussing these things with Tanya made me realize this. I think she was right; I should discuss this with Manav ASAP!